I love Facebook memories sometimes.\u00a0 They take us back to a period in time and we see how much we have grown and changed.\u00a0 This picture takes me back over 20 years.\u00a0 At a Garth Brooks concert.\u00a0 1996.\u00a0 The “olden days”. (smile)\u00a0 When I had much longer hair.\u00a0 And a waist.\u00a0 (smile)<\/p>\n
Six years after I lost half my family in a car accident.\u00a0 I was a single mom and had a five year old at home at the time and had just started working in radio.\u00a0 A country station.\u00a0 Evenings and weekends.\u00a0 Working my way up.\u00a0 And I was just months away from meeting my future husband.\u00a0 I just didn’t know it yet.<\/p>\n
Isn’t it strange to look back on old pictures knowing NOW what you didn’t know then?<\/p>\n
If you could go back in time and have a conversation with your younger self, what would you say?<\/p>\n
I remember feeling a bit lost in those days.\u00a0 \u00a0A bit numb to life, but still looking for the joy.\u00a0 \u00a0Losing people you love is incredibly hard and sometimes we get by, by ignoring it.\u00a0 That’s how we cope.\u00a0 It’s how we survive.\u00a0 And it works.\u00a0 For a little while.\u00a0 We focus so much on putting one foot in front of the other we don’t take the time we need to heal from the brokenness.\u00a0 We avoid.\u00a0 We bury the feelings that might otherwise destroy us if we let them out.\u00a0 We keep it to ourselves because it feels easier that way.<\/p>\n
I would tell that 20 something girl to talk to someone about the grief because in twenty years, that stock pile of emotions is going to come roaring to the surface and you won’t know what to do with it.\u00a0 And people you pushed away for fear they would remind you of what was lost will be gone and you’ll regret not embracing them and their stories and love.<\/p>\n
I would tell her to never stop talking about them.\u00a0 The family that was lost.\u00a0 I would tell her to believe in herself enough to stand up for herself.\u00a0 I would tell her to forgive herself for things that happened TO her that were not caused by her, that were not her fault.\u00a0 I would tell her to stop expecting the world to let you down and to let people in for more than a minute.\u00a0 I would tell her she was smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, good enough and to stop searching and comparing and blaming and fault finding.<\/p>\n
Lots of thoughts and emotions to come from a picture from 26 years ago.\u00a0 Proof that you can be smiling in the moment on the outside, and on the inside not really be okay with yourself, your life and your situation.<\/p>\n
I had a therapy session a while ago and the assignment was to write letters to my younger self.\u00a0 I think back on who I was before life got heavy and dark and tragedy struck and as much as I’d like to protect that little girl from what was going to come her way, I know that it’s those things that have shaped me.\u00a0 It’s ALL those things combined that brought me HERE to who I am right now.\u00a0 And I’m learning to like this girl now.\u00a0 I’m learning to appreciate what I’ve been through, even if I didn’t always handle it the way I should.\u00a0 I’m learning, and growing every day.<\/p>\n
It took me a long time to get to this point, but I realized that I could no longer keep things to myself.\u00a0 \u00a0It was getting too heavy a load.\u00a0 These last two years have forced me to take inventory on my life.\u00a0 What I’ve been through.\u00a0 What I never dealt with.\u00a0 So I reached out.\u00a0 I got myself some help.\u00a0 I’ve opened up about a LOT of that stuff I had buried and had weighing me down and it’s been the greatest gift I could give myself because it has brought so much healing in my life.<\/p>\n
That 25 year old me in the picture, went through a crap load of stuff to get to the 50 year old me sitting here today, writing and sharing this with you.<\/p>\n
We all have a story.\u00a0 We all have stuff that we go through.\u00a0 What would you tell your younger self that might help who you are today?<\/p>\n
You’re enough.\u00a0 You’re good enough.\u00a0 You’re strong.\u00a0 You’re brave.\u00a0 \u00a0And you will get through it ALL.\u00a0 Don’t stop believing in who you are.\u00a0 Don’t listen to those who judge and criticize.\u00a0 You are enough and you will overcome.\u00a0 Keep loving and forgiving and believing and you will be okay.\u00a0 You are loved more than you realize.\u00a0 You can be a light in the darkness.\u00a0 You can help others and will just by sharing your story.\u00a0 Don’t stop believing in what is good and don’t stop smiling.<\/p>\n
Love, me.<\/p>\n
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