You guys.\u00a0 I just finished reading Matthew Perry’s memoir – Friends, Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing and I am feeling heartbroken for the man.<\/p>\n
It makes his death that much harder to take because he had overcome so much, and was at a point where he was free of his addictions and ready to embrace life.<\/p>\n
I started the book before Christmas and it was hard to put down.\u00a0 From the very first page, you could feel the incredible sadness he felt in his life.\u00a0 He shared honestly and vulnerably all the struggles he has faced and there were a lot.\u00a0 I can’t even begin to imagine what that would be like.<\/p>\n
He didn’t see himself as worthy of much.\u00a0 Certainly not love.\u00a0 He dealt with ongoing issues with abandonment that seemed to keep him stuck in his addiction.\u00a0 Or as he calls it “the big terrible thing”.<\/p>\n
He writes with humour, and truth.\u00a0 \u00a0Who knew that all the years we watched him as Chandler Bing on Friends that he was suffering so much.\u00a0 Fighting so hard for sobriety.\u00a0 Losing every battle.\u00a0 Throwing away money on treatment, only to have too many people around that would enable the addiction to continue.\u00a0 He wanted a relationship, but was afraid of commitment.\u00a0 Afraid of it falling apart, and being left alone.\u00a0 He wanted marriage, and a family – but couldn’t stay in a relationship long enough.\u00a0 He would get scared and push people away.\u00a0 \u00a0Drugs, alcohol – seemed to be the only constant in his life.\u00a0 The more he used, the more he needed.\u00a0 The toll it took on his health is unfathomable to me.\u00a0 \u00a0So many times he could have lost his life, but didn’t.\u00a0 His colon burst.\u00a0 Over a dozen surgeries to repair the damage.\u00a0 A dental surgery.\u00a0 A smoking habit that had him worried about losing his life as well.<\/p>\n
He had so much going on behind the scenes that none of us knew anything about.\u00a0 He loved to make people laugh.\u00a0 It was the one thing that brought him a sense of purpose.\u00a0 It just wasn’t enough.\u00a0 You learn in this book, that he used laughter as a coping mechanism to help those around him.<\/p>\n
The final chapters, you see him achieve the miraculous.\u00a0 He seems to have beat his demons.\u00a0 He’s made it.\u00a0 He’s on the other side.\u00a0 He’s at peace with himself.\u00a0 He feels he finally has a purpose.\u00a0 He does a lot of reflecting.\u00a0 \u00a0Thinking of each person in his life who has been there for him in one way or the other.\u00a0 \u00a0He’s excited and hopeful.<\/p>\n
And that’s what makes it so incredibly sad, knowing that a year after finishing the book and releasing it into the world – he would pass away suddenly and it would seem there would be proof that he was still fighting his addictions and depression.<\/p>\n
My heart breaks for him.\u00a0 For a life he never wanted, for not being able to free himself.<\/p>\n
I will always think of him first as Chandler Bing, a character on a tv show that I absolutely loved.\u00a0 An actor that made me laugh out loud each and every time.\u00a0 Gone too soon and before he could live a life free of the suffering he had been through for so many decades on this earth.<\/p>\n
I encourage you to read it and if you have, feel free to share your thoughts on the book.\u00a0 \u00a0I said to someone earlier today, reading the last chapters, it almost felt like in some way, he knew what was coming.\u00a0 It was almost a goodbye.\u00a0 Makes me tear up just thinking about it.<\/p>\n
An incredible memoir that will stay with me.<\/p>\n