The View From Here

What day is it?  Does anybody know without looking it up or asking your smart speaker?  Because I’ve done that a few times now.

If you’re wondering, it’s Wednesday.  NOT Thursday like I originally thought.

How are you doing?  How are you feeling?

The weather is sure not helping.

It’s funny.  In our house, it happens in waves.  We have moments where the entire family is together.  Talking. Laughing. Sharing.

Other moments, like the last few days, where everyone seems to need their space, and retreats to their own safe spot in the house.

Ups and downs.  It’s a roller coaster ride.

One minute I feel in control and feel okay about everything. The next it could be a series of things that turn my thoughts to anxiousness and anxiety, fear and frustration.

Last week I had all kinds of energy and ambition.  Cleaning. Organizing. Meal planning. I was “Miss positivity”.   I got “dressed” for work.  I did my hair, put on some makeup.

This week?  Different story.

Sweatshirts and hoodies.  A shower?  Not sure. (smile).  Hair up in a messy bun or pony tail.  Dinner is a guessing game. The house is a mess and I’m sure my teens took all the clean towels and good snacks.

It’s hard to focus this week for some reason.  The news that we’ve already seen “the peak” is encouraging.  That should be good, right?

I think we’re at a critical point.  We know we have to keep doing the “right thing” but we just want to see the finish line. That date on the calendar that tells us when it will be over.

Last week, the weather was nicer.  Lots of people out walking.  Smiles and waves.

This week, people seem different again.  The fear back?  Or maybe just frustration at the fact there is no end in sight.

This virus plays mind games with us and I think that’s the part I hate the most.

Wanting to go for a walk, and having that anxious feeling when you see someone coming in the other direction.  Knowing “six feet apart” but feeling so awkward about having to move away.  Feeling so sad when they move first.

I’ve been going for drives in the early morning.  Before “work”.  Work being walking up the stairs to my scrapbook room.  To feel something normal.

I stopped along the waterfront in Corunna, and watched the ducks in the water.  I don’t remember ever doing that.  Watching as they ducked under the water and came up a little ways down.  I watched the seagulls swarm overhead.  I watched a freighter come in and pass along the river.

I don’t remember the last time I just sat and watched in silence.

I sat outside with my coffee yesterday morning and just listened.  To the birds chirping.  To the strong winds through the trees.

I drove to the water last night to catch a glimpse of the sunset.  I didn’t even bring my phone to take pictures, like normally I would.  Because if we see a beautiful sunset and don’t share it on social media, did it even happen? (smile)

I’m enjoying more still and silent moments.  Enjoying the calm.  The quiet.

No rush to be anywhere or get anything done.

It’s bizarre. In some ways, there is a lot of good to come from this.

I wonder how much we will be changed for it.  I wonder if we will still enjoy those still, silent moments and make the effort to stay connected with friends and family.

I wonder how much we will continue to slow down.

I do miss people.  But there’s a big part of me that is really enjoying staying at home and having a more relaxed pace.

Categorised in: Afternoons

This post was written by Carrie Buchanan