The View From Here – Dear Diary

Did you have one of those little diaries when you were younger, with the lock and key?  The one that made you feel safe with all your secrets?

I think I’ve had and used a diary most of my life, and it started when I was a lot younger.  Writing your thoughts and feelings down is so helpful in processing all those emotions and feelings.  It helps you think things through, before reacting to it or confronting a situation in a not so positive way.

It was the secret place to share your thoughts on secret crushes.  Things your parents did that made you so mad.  Breakups.  Fights with friends. It was the secret place to share all the details of your life that you weren’t ready to share with anybody else.  Your innermost thoughts and feelings.

I got out of writing in a journal until a few years ago.  I’m not sure why.  I was afraid someone might read it that shouldn’t.  I never found time.

A friend of mine gave me this journal a few years ago, and for a while I wrote in it daily.  I wrote about all kinds of things.  Things I was grateful for.  Struggles I was going through.  Fights with my husband or kids.  Missing friends you thought would never leave but do.

This epidemic has been a struggle to deal with.  Highs and lows, ups and downs.   Extra pounds.   Out of control hair.

For some it’s meant losing loved ones.  There is no greater pain.

For some it’s meant losing a job.  Losing a business.

Isolation.  Feeling so alone.   Kept away from those that matter the most to us.

How have you been dealing with it?

I admit, initially, I was drawn to old family recipes.  The very best comfort foods.  We did puzzles.  OK – PUZZLE.  We did ONE puzzle, because it frustrated me and took forever to get the pieces to fit.  More time outside.  More time online trying to feel connected to those we missed the most.

Lately, I’ve been feeling so lazy.  Not motivated to do anything.  Feeling anxious about returning to work – in the building.  Outside the safety of my home.  I’ve gotten away from the cleaning and organizing.  I have avoided anything online. It feels too much.  I don’t want to do life online.  I don’t want another Google meeting or Zoom chat. I don’t want to pretend to feel connected in another online virtual workout.  I  just feel STUCK.  Waiting.  It feels like the longest in between.

Working at home is not like I thought it would be like.  The casual dress code and fully stocked kitchen has it’s benefits.  But it’s harder to stay focused on work, when you’re thinking of the laundry pile to the left in the next room, and the dishes in the sink, and are the kids doing their online work.  So strange.

This past weekend was rough.  I was feeling all the feelings.  Hating the hair, the extra pounds, and feeling alone.  I wasn’t feeling “myself” and I don’t even know if that makes sense.  I don’t know about you, but the closer we get to being back to normal, the harder it is to wait.

I’ve been to a few more places now.  “Out” more.   Still not sure I’m really ready.

I’ve been doing things to take care of my mental health.  I’ve been exercising almost every day. It helps. A LOT.  I have days where I’m eating smart and eating healthy.  Other days, it’s a smorgasboard of junk food.  My garden is growing.  I’ve even made some time for scrapbooking.  Though I miss going out to print pictures.  I’ve got a lot accumulating.

So I went back to doing something I used to do.  To work through the “stuff” in my head.  The negative thoughts.  The anxious feelings. I went back to my journal.

I wrote it all down.  All the thoughts and feelings.   I worked through it.  With every stroke of my pen.   And I felt so much better for it when I was done.

It’s not just covid-19 anymore.  It’s a conversation about racism in our world, and in our community. We are in trying times.  People are hurting and unsure.

How we heal the world depends on each and every one of us.  I think it starts with us as individuals.  We need to take our ourselves.  Physically, mentally, and emotionally.   We need to walk in compassion and kindness.

And we can’t do that if we are broken.

Take time for YOU.  As hard as it is.  Make yourself a priority.

On this FEEL GOOD FRIDAY – the Canadian Mental Health Association Lambton Kent tell us to journal!

“Did you know that journaling has great benefits for both your physical and mental health?

So go ahead, grab a piece of paper and a pen or pencil and set aside a time and a space for journaling!”

Categorised in: Afternoons

This post was written by Carrie Buchanan