The View From Here – What’s Your Secret?

My husband will kill me for this, but I’m sharing it with you anyway.  (smile)

Today is a big day for us.  It’s our 20th wedding anniversary and to me that is a VERY big deal.

We got married 20 years ago today in a little white church in Camlachie.  Which is now an AirBNB if you’re interested.

A family church for him.  Absolutely beautiful.  So much charm and character and rich in history.   

We had a small ceremony.  Fake flowers that I still have and love in the bouquet.   We went for ice cream in Centennial Park after the service before pictures.  I slopped chocolate ice cream on my dress.  Our wedding song was “Shania Twain – You’ve Got A Way”.  I danced with my dad to “Garth Brooks – The Dance”.

I played our wedding song today as I looked through pictures.  Some people in the photos not with us anymore.

Isn’t it incredible how much we forget about our “big day”?   It’s so busy.  It goes by in the blink of an eye.

I don’t know about you, but when I got married, I was caught up in the fairy tale of it.  The dress and the flowers and the church.  I was caught up in the event.  Hollywood movies paint marriage to be this incredible romantic event.  How many people think  – “When I get married, I’ll be happy.”

What they need to focus on is the day to day that comes after.

Kids.  Finances.  Work.  Laundry.  Dishes. (smile)

They don’t show that in those sappy rom-coms now do they?

Maybe those vows should include “in sickness and health, emptying the dishwasher, taking out the garbage without being asked, not complaining when I stay in my pj’s all day”  (smile).

Reality is so different from the Hollywood movies.   Or the articles in the magazines telling you how to save your marriage, the quizzes that determine whether your marriage is strong.  Don’t do it.  Don’t believe any of it.  It will make you think you’re doing everything wrong.

I’ve learned a lot over 20 years.

First – don’t ever compare your relationship to anybody else’s.  Your relationship is yours alone.   It’s like a fingerprint or a snowflake – no two relationships are alike.  And you can’t try to be like anyone else.  Stop trying.

Second –  say thank you and mean it.  Don’t take anything for granted and don’t expect things to be done for you.   Be appreciative of things that are given and done for you.

Third – it’s not up to your spouse or relationship to make you happy.  That’s on YOU.

What do you think is the secret to a strong relationship?  What advice would you offer?

It’s sure not always easy, but it is always worth it.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  That’s what they say.  And I think that is so true for marriage and relationships.  (smile)

By the way – what does one get to celebrate 20 years?  Does anyone “do” presents after 20 years?  I used to put a lot of pressure and thought into it.  Now I’m just happy to get some time to ourselves and not have to dress up or go anywhere. (smile).

Very thankful for him.

Categorised in: Afternoons

This post was written by Carrie Buchanan