The View From Here – Almost 50

Eeek.   My 50th birthday is approaching quickly and all of a sudden I’m caught in a wave of reflection.  Looking back on my life.  On all that I’ve been through.  Overcome. Accomplished.  Survived.

I admit I’m excited about this milestone birthday, but I’ve also got some mixed emotions.

I kinda wanted a big celebration for 50.  In my mind I always thought I would have a big party, and play all the 80’s music I wanted, with a focus on my fave band of all time – Duran Duran. (smile).

Dance all night.  Smile.  Laugh.  Celebrate.  Connect to my younger self.  Try not to hurt myself or break anything.   (smile)

Now it’s two weeks away.  There is no party and I don’t know whether to feel disappointed or a bit relieved.

Maybe this is just one of the fallouts from the pandemic.  It kinda sucks.

50.

Gasp.

Looking back, it’s a blur of events.   Great loss, heartache and challenges.  Also some pretty amazing experiences.   I have a lot to be grateful for, but at the same time I’ve really started to feel the weight of those hard things.  It’s made me question myself.   It’s made me start really looking into different areas of my life that I think I still need to do some work on.

I’m not sure if it’s because of the pandemic – and all that has been going on, and the negativity, and frustration and anger and sadness, feelings of isolation – but I started to realize that I was more affected than I realized.  All the feelings of the past year, and some of life’s challenges, brought up some past issues that I know I never really dealt with.  All kinds of feelings that I was almost surprised to be dealing with.  I was trying to be positive and happy and there were days I didn’t know what was wrong with me or why I couldn’t be.

I started looking at areas in my life where I needed help. I started reading self-help style books and listening to podcasts.

One of the podcasts I’ve started listening to has a local connection.   Life’s Seasons Speaks.  An incredible podcast that takes you through all kinds of life situations, feelings and more.  It’s like a therapy session with every listen.  You may be familiar with Life’s Seasons Care and Support .  It’s a counselling service for individuals and families in Sarnia Lambton.   They are truly amazing.

I’ve listened to every episode and I’ve had many “a-ha” moments, as Oprah would say.

We’ve all got a story.  We’ve all been through “stuff” that has been not so easy.  And if I’ve learned anything in my almost 50 years on this planet?  It’s this.

• You don’t have to be strong and carry the weight of the world on your shoulders all the time.
• It’s okay to ask for help and reach out when you need it.
• It’s okay to feel broken and work on healing yourself at the same time.
• It’s NOT okay to bury your feelings and stuff your “stuff” and think they will not creep back to the surface.

And sometimes, no book, no podcast, no best friend – will be able to help you figure things out and understand you the way an experienced counsellor can, and help you understand why you are the way you are.

I am not ashamed to say I reached out for help this year.  I got to a point where I knew I couldn’t do it alone or figure it out on my own or carry the weight of it anymore.

I asked for help.

Was it easy?  Nope.  It’s HARD to be vulnerable.  It’s uncomfortable.  We tend to think we can handle it.  We can figure it out. We can “get through it”.

I think there is great strength in admitting you need help.  And it was such a relief to have someone LISTEN and understand and sympathize and VALIDATE me and my feelings and give me tools to work through the “stuff”.

I am thankful for those in the field of mental health.

I have spent the last few years focusing on my health – exercising and eating right.   But that’s only part of taking care of ourselves.  Our mental health needs to be a priority as well.  Don’t be afraid to reach out or ask for help or even admit that you’re not “ok”.

We’ve been through a lot.  We’re beaten down and feeling defeated.   We’re tired and worn out.   The weight can get awfully heavy.

Make a promise to be kind to yourself and to celebrate yourself and heal yourself.   That’s what I’m doing ahead of my birthday.

So I go into my 50th year feeling better about myself.

Eager to celebrate the milestone with understanding and compassion and kindness for me.

And if someone can arrange to have Duran Duran show up – I would be forever grateful. (smile)

As always – reach out anytime

TEXT 519-464-1999

EMAIL – cbuchanan@blackburnmedia.ca

Categorised in: Afternoons

This post was written by Carrie Buchanan