Book Review – Matthew Perry Friends, Lovers And The Big Terrible Thing

You guys.  I just finished reading Matthew Perry’s memoir – Friends, Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing and I am feeling heartbroken for the man.

It makes his death that much harder to take because he had overcome so much, and was at a point where he was free of his addictions and ready to embrace life.

I started the book before Christmas and it was hard to put down.  From the very first page, you could feel the incredible sadness he felt in his life.  He shared honestly and vulnerably all the struggles he has faced and there were a lot.  I can’t even begin to imagine what that would be like.

He didn’t see himself as worthy of much.  Certainly not love.  He dealt with ongoing issues with abandonment that seemed to keep him stuck in his addiction.  Or as he calls it “the big terrible thing”.

He writes with humour, and truth.   Who knew that all the years we watched him as Chandler Bing on Friends that he was suffering so much.  Fighting so hard for sobriety.  Losing every battle.  Throwing away money on treatment, only to have too many people around that would enable the addiction to continue.  He wanted a relationship, but was afraid of commitment.  Afraid of it falling apart, and being left alone.  He wanted marriage, and a family – but couldn’t stay in a relationship long enough.  He would get scared and push people away.   Drugs, alcohol – seemed to be the only constant in his life.  The more he used, the more he needed.  The toll it took on his health is unfathomable to me.   So many times he could have lost his life, but didn’t.  His colon burst.  Over a dozen surgeries to repair the damage.  A dental surgery.  A smoking habit that had him worried about losing his life as well.

He had so much going on behind the scenes that none of us knew anything about.  He loved to make people laugh.  It was the one thing that brought him a sense of purpose.  It just wasn’t enough.  You learn in this book, that he used laughter as a coping mechanism to help those around him.

The final chapters, you see him achieve the miraculous.  He seems to have beat his demons.  He’s made it.  He’s on the other side.  He’s at peace with himself.  He feels he finally has a purpose.  He does a lot of reflecting.   Thinking of each person in his life who has been there for him in one way or the other.   He’s excited and hopeful.

And that’s what makes it so incredibly sad, knowing that a year after finishing the book and releasing it into the world – he would pass away suddenly and it would seem there would be proof that he was still fighting his addictions and depression.

My heart breaks for him.  For a life he never wanted, for not being able to free himself.

I will always think of him first as Chandler Bing, a character on a tv show that I absolutely loved.  An actor that made me laugh out loud each and every time.  Gone too soon and before he could live a life free of the suffering he had been through for so many decades on this earth.

I encourage you to read it and if you have, feel free to share your thoughts on the book.   I said to someone earlier today, reading the last chapters, it almost felt like in some way, he knew what was coming.  It was almost a goodbye.  Makes me tear up just thinking about it.

An incredible memoir that will stay with me.

cbuchanan@blackburnmedia.ca

Categorised in: Afternoons

This post was written by Carrie Buchanan